Alas, no new pencils for me. However, I get something better.
I get a list full of names (read: possibilities that could dramatically change the shape of my life over the next year).
I get to talk to voicemail after voicemail after voicemail.
I get to craft carefully worded text after carefully worded text, punctuated with smiley faces so that their recipients know I'm friendly and I mean it.
I get to indulge in intemperate amounts of coffee and ice cream as I meet perfect strangers in shops all over campus.
And I get to spend a lot of time on my knees, encountering the most beautiful Presence that animates me and fills me with all that I need for the work.
When I get tired, I beg for the grace to keep going.
When my mind whirls, I stop and sit at the feet of the One who calls me.
In spare moments, the craziness of what I'm doing hits me: I am trying to forge fairly intimate relationships whoever's willing on a list of 38 names (mostly incoming freshman).
Why? Yes, I want to recruit new members for UCO, but that is too base, too simplistic, and not the heart of it. If this were the bulk of my motivation, I would dry up quickly.
This is the heart of my outreach:
- I love because He is great: I have seen so much of the Lord's mighty work of salvation. So much that is good, true, and beautiful. As my heart becomes more and more converted, I burn with the desire to be a witness. To sit in Starbucks, and--through my speech and conduct and my very being-- to hold up a mirror that points beyond myself, reflecting to glory of Someone greater. That as a student leaves from an encounter with me, she would be struck with the thought, "Yes, there was Katie--but there was something else..." and that the something else, the Someone else, the grace, the beauty, and the infinite love would captivate her as it has captivated me.
- I love because this is a season of potential: Ask any freshman at the end of her first year. There is a rather impressive chasm between highschool and college. There is a potential for loss. Here, Christian students, even zealous ones, are most likely to lose their faith. There is a potential for great gain. Here, in this unique season, Christ can enter students' lives in new and unexpected ways, to completely transform them into mature Christians, an army disposed to do His bidding. In this chasm, I am eager to build a bridge wherever I can, for the urgency of what is at stake.
- I love because He is a relational God and a master artist: I pray to see each woman with His heart. And, oh, what beautiful masterpieces they are! They are passionate--they long to bring good things to the world. They love deeply--people, values, places, ideas. They are lovely--unique in how they engage the world and how they piece together the mysteries of life. As I work with women, I see how the Lord pursues each one as she most needs it. How He values her as an individual, as his own prize creation. Women are complex and challenging, and sometimes it is exhausting to meet woman after woman and engage each one on her own terms. Sometimes, the work is frustrating. But when I remember the Lord's heart, then I can see my endless stretches of meetings as a tour through the gallery of a master painter, and there I discover the deepest joys of my work.
In this season of busyness, it is a joy and a privilege to be exhausted for this work. As I'm driven to my limits, I'm able to see more clearly what motivates me. And I learn how ill-equipped I am, how incapable I am of producing good on my own, how little my efforts can actually achieve. And with that lesson, I learn more about the greatness of the God I serve, and how much He can achieve. And I am driven to seek Him.Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.Psalm 127:1
